


To Be A Doll

by TheStrange_One



Series: 12 Days of Christmas 2020 [1]
Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Bad Wish, Genie - Freeform, M/M, Observing, doll - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-13
Updated: 2020-12-13
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:21:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28041585
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheStrange_One/pseuds/TheStrange_One
Summary: Wade Wilson, also known as Deadpool, meets a genie and makes a wish.
Relationships: Peter Parker/Wade Wilson
Series: 12 Days of Christmas 2020 [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2054064
Comments: 10
Kudos: 102





	To Be A Doll

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ItstheKiks](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ItstheKiks/gifts).



Wade gave a loud wolf-whistle in appreciation as Spidey swung by overhead. That perfectly pristine ass was a work of art that needed to appreciated three ways; often, loudly, and religiously. He watched that ass with the fervor of the only Devotee of Spidey every time it passed him.

Spider-Man didn’t react to the cat call. He never did. But he’d never told Wade that he couldn't, so Wade kept it up.

“Bum ba ba bum,” he sang/hummed as he made his way down the alley. Always did his best work in alleys: not only were the scum of New York there ready to make life difficult for regular citizens, but they increased his likelihood of seeing Spidey swing by.

A metallic clatter got his attention as something fell. “What the shit sticks?” he asked as he investigated.

Of course he investigated! It could be something dangerous! Besides, he was bored.

He reached the source of the sound and—it was nothing. Just a dirty old prop lamp with fake Tiffany glass. “Where did _you_ come from?” he muttered as he picked it up. The thing was covered in dirt and grime. “Oh, if I rub it, will a genie come out?” asked Wade with a salacious wiggle of his eyebrow. He rubbed the lamp.

Colored sparks began to gather at the top of the lamp as it glowed. Smoke billowed out of the top and a half human half smoke thing appeared in front of him. The top half of the thing was that of a scantily clad woman heavily decorated with gold piercings and only one eye. The eye that remained was lined with dark purple eye shadow. “Hello Master,” the thing purred.

Wade looked where he knew the camera would be if there was a camera to be found. Unfortunately, the written word didn’t have quite the same effect. “Seriously?” he asked. “I was joking!”

The female half twined around him, smoky trail attaching her to the lamp. “I’m not,” she said huskily. “I’m here to grant your wishes, Master.”

Wishes. What could he wish for? Besides the obvious; everyone knew that genies couldn't make people fall in love. It said so in the movie! “Oh, I know, I know!” he said excitedly. “Make me a stuffed toy!”

“Oh?” asked the genie, her one eye arching as she smiled.

“Yeah! If there’s a toy of me, I can give it to Spidey to help him keep warm, if you know what I mean,” he said jiggling the genie with his elbow.

The smile widened. “As you wish,” the genie purred.

The world stretched and tilted. Wade’s limbs grew stiff and impossible to move as the world got bigger and bigger until he was staring up at the sky with the oddest feeling that something was soaking _into_ his back.

The genie laughed and, as Wade watched (unable to close his eyes), the genie’s hair pushed back as another eye appeared in her face. She blew him a kiss before vanishing.

That was rude. And anticlimactic. And how was Wade supposed to move the plot along if he couldn’t move?

He watched as the tell-tale white streak shot through the night. If he could have, he would have whined at the thought that he couldn't even call out. The spandex clad ass went by overhead—before swinging right back around.

Spider-Man landed next to him! If he could still breathe he would have gasped in shock, awe, and desire. If he could speak, he would greet the costumed hero.

He couldn't do either of those things.

Webs reached down and picked him up off the ground. “Well, _you’re_ certainly a well made plush,” the hero said softy, in a far gentler tone than Wade had ever heard before. While one hand held him another smacked him repeatedly and Wade found himself in the odd position of both being aroused and not having anything to be aroused _with_.

“I bet you clean up nice,” mused Spidey. Suddenly both hands squeezed and Wade felt the distinctly strange sensation of liquid being forced out of his body. It didn’t hurt (actually, at the moment, _nothing_ hurt), but it was strange. “Better get you clean and dry before you start to mold.” Spider-Man shot a web into the distance and took off swinging.

The ride was _wild_. Wade could both feel the breeze over him and going _through_ him as Spidey made his way to an apartment building in a bad part of town.

No, Spidey! Why do you live _here_? It’s not safe!

And, of course, Spider-Man heard nothing.

The masked vigilante entered the apartment and gently set Wade down on a counter. The costumed hero then changed—holy _fuck_ was he pretty! Tousled brown hair that was clearly mussed from being under the mask, a ripped body—look at those abs! Dark brown, chocolate eyes. Wade was in love.

Well. More in love. He’d already loved Spidey.

This being a stuffed toy thing wasn’t too bad. After all, Spidey would _never_ take Wade home, or trust him enough to strip, if he’d been his human self.

Spider-Man came over, sans costume, and looked at him. _Looked at him!_ “All right,” said the brunette as he picked Wade up. The world spun as Wade flipped over. “Let’s see if we can get you cleaned up.”

There was more patting, brushing, and then the sound of a hair dryer. After a moment Wade could feel the hot air of the hair dryer penetrate and—well, it was just as odd as feeling liquid soak into him. It didn’t feel _bad_ , however.

“There we go.” Spider-Babe put down the hair dryer and walked with Wade to a piece of furniture. “Wow. I could see that you were well made in the alley, but _wow_. You are incredibly detailed. From the katanas,” one hand flicked a katana, “to the pouches on your belt.” Spidey smiled at him. “I can’t wait to show you to Deadpool,” he said. “The merc will be so happy!”

A quick three knocks preceded the door opening. “Uh, hey MJ,” said Spider-Man, clearly uncomfortable.

From his vantage point Wade couldn't see the intruder, but he heard the silky voice. “Hey, Tiger. Whatcha got there?”

Of course someone as great as Spidey would have a girlfriend.

“Oh, I—”

“Just came to see if you’re still coming to the wedding,” the woman said, not missing a beat.

“Yeah, I—”

“Good, good. Later Tiger.”

“Bye, MJ.”

If Wade could frown, he would have. Why hadn’t she let Tiger speak? If it had been Wade, he would have let Spidey-Tiger talk as much as he wanted.

The door closed and the brunette turned to him. “I bet you’ve got a family missing you, huh?” said the man as a thumb gently rubbed over Wade’s head. “I’ll have to reunite you. But first, I don’t think they’ll mind if I track down who made you. I bet Deadpool would be thrilled to get a plush of himself. Or threaten to kill whoever made a plush of him without permission. Or both.”

The face threatened to break in half with a yawn. “Night ‘Pool,” he said as he laid down, Wade still in his arms.

“Parker, what is that thing?”

“Oh, it’s—”

“Later! Jameson wants those photos _today_!”

“Already on his desk.”

“Parker, why did you bring a toy to work?”

“I—”

“Never mind. The site’s down again.”

“On it.”

The office was pure chaos and if Wade could have talked he would have demanded to know why Spidey worked _here_ , at the office of the one place in the entire city that hated Spider-Man so much. Spidey was the absolute _best_ and no one was listening to or paying attention to him.

Parker plopped Wade down on a desk next to a computer before his fingers flew across the keyboard. “Site’s back up!” he called out to the office to the sounds of cheers and one loud voice complaining that it took too long.

Spidey ignored the voice. “Now,” he said cracking his knuckles. “Let’s see who made you.”

Time passed before Spidey sighed. “No luck,” the man lamented.

Well, of course not. The only one who knew where Wade came from was the genie of that lamp. Who knew _where_ that lamp had ended up. And Wade didn’t like the implications of the genie gaining an eye after granting his wish. Was anything going to come of that?

“Well, time for my other job,” said Parker as he scooped Wade off the desk.

One of the perks of being a stuffed toy was that he was cradled against Spidey’s side. Of course, that would never have happened otherwise, at least not without being smacked away, but it still felt good. And the way that Parker made sure that his jacket protected Wade from the elements just made a warm spot inside him, it really did.

All things considered, Wade shouldn't have been surprised that Spidey worked for Stark. After all, he knew his baby boy was smart. Way smarter than Wade had ever been. And Stark was like, smarty-pants central, so really he should have already known that.

Wade got put down on another desk. This one, if the desk across the room that Wade could see was any indication, was made of glass instead of cheap wood. A woman came into the room wearing a lab coat as she gave Parker a funny look. “Peter, why did you bring a stuffed toy to work?” she demanded.

“Funny story, I—”

The woman rolled her eyes and scoffed. “I don’t care. Don’t let it contaminate anything.” She walked over to the other desk.

Who was this rude woman? Didn’t she realize who she was speaking to? Spidey was the literal, absolute _best_ ever!

Another, smaller part of Wade shrieked, _Peter! His name is Peter Parker! I know Spidey’s name!_

“The stuffed toy can’t move on its own,” Peter said with an easy smile.

“Easy for _you_ to say. They move all over my home.”

Why couldn't Wade have been one of _those_ stuffed toys?

“Probably got more to do with the four year-old running around than the stuffed toy moving,” Peter observed.

Oh. That was why. No four year-olds to move him.

“Whatever. How are the experiments doing?”

“Well, the control group is doing fine.”

“Dammit.”

The work day progressed. Wade was very bored, very quickly. He did notice something though; the only time that Peter seemed to be able to finish a sentence was if he was talking about someone else or work.

That—that actually explained a lot about Spidey. Wade still remembered how absolutely _shocked_ the hero had been when Wade had remembered something that had been said in passing. At the time he’d thought it was because _Wade_ had remembered.

He’d been shocked because _someone_ had remembered.

Stark leaned through the door. “Pete, you up to community dinner tonight?”

“Well, actually—”

“Great! Come up after work!”

Wade had always known that Stark was an ass.

After Peter got finished doing—whatever it was he was doing in the lab, the young man grabbed Wade (once again tucking the toy close to his side) and went to the elevator.

This was it. This was really it! Wade was going to see the inside of the Avengers floor of the Tower! He might even see Captain America.

“No! No, you _idiot_ ,” screamed Stark as the elevator doors opened.

“Sounds like spaghetti night,” Peter caroled out.

Wade watched as Clint Barton, also known as “Hawkeye,” ran out of the kitchen with a variety of plastic spice bottles following him. The older man laughed as he strolled up to Peter. “You know me,” the man said with an easy smile.

“Uh huh.” Wade couldn't see Peter’s face, but he was willing to bet the younger man was rolling his eyes. At least, that was always how Wade imagined his face moving when he heard that tone from the vigilante.

“Whoa, what’s this?” Bird Brain looked down and poked at Wade’s face.

“Isn’t it great? I found it in an alley.”

The Bird Man (oops, wrong franchise) sighed. “Peter, I know you have a crush on the guy—”

“Do I?” asked Peter.

“—but collecting his merchandise is not the way to go. Besides, he’s insane.”

Well, Barton wasn’t _wrong_. Wade _was_ insane. Everyone said so.

Well, everyone except Spidey.

“Barton, I swear to God, if you are corrupting the kid—”

Arrow Dude sighed and stood up, facing the kitchen again. “He’s over twenty years old man! Kid passed years ago.” The arrow guy gave Peter a wink before walking off.

“He means well.” Peter turned with Wade, still firmly against his hip, to see— _Captain America_!

Wade could die happy now. Not that he could die. Or could he? Did his doll-body regenerate like his human one?

“Clint? Nah, pretty sure he just wants to torment Tony,” Petey-Pie said easily.

The blond, buff hero flushed. “No. Deadpool. Deadpool means well. He might not be all there,” the man admitted, “but he means well.”

“Yeah,” said Peter. “I know.”

And Wade. Didn’t know. How to handle that.

Captain America thought that Wade meant well? And decided to defend him to Peter? What could possibly have happened to give the mighty Avenger that impression?

And Peter— _agreed_ with him? How? Why? What had he done to give _Spider-Man_ that impression? It didn’t make sense.

“Friend Anthony,” said a booming voice. “I have come bearing gifts and brother!”

“Hey, Loki!” Peter’s voice was easy and relaxed as he headed to the kitchen with everyone.

“No unsanitary toys in the kitchen!” shouted Stark.

There was a moment of silence. “Yeah, uh, that’s _so_ obvious I ain’t touching it,” said Clint firmly. Peter just chuckled and turned around, putting Wade on the coffee table.

As they ate Wade was hit with the conflicting feelings of both wanting to be in there eating with everyone, and not feeling hungry. Like, how bad was that. He _wanted_ to be hungry, but felt no hunger. Like, it made sense since he couldn't actually eat anything, but it was still weird.

When they finally got back to Peter’s place, the young man put Wade on his dresser. “Can you imagine what Tony would say if I actually brought Deadpool to dinner with everyone?” His voice deepened falsely. “Peter! What are you doing with that maniac! Deadpool! What did you do with that jet I know you stole!” The young man laughed.

Peter was, once again, talking to what he thought was just a stuffed toy. Wade was both thrilled that he was hearing so much from Spidey—the hero almost never spoke when the two of them were alone together—and his heart ached from how _lonely_ Spidey seemed. From what Wade could tell, the younger man didn’t have anyone who actually listened _to_ him—not even Wade, if the merc was honest with himself.

Peter quickly changed into the Spidey suit. “So, Deadpool,” said Peter with a warm smile at the toy. “You going to be there tonight?”

Wade felt a mixture of hope and horror at the thought that Peter really knew it was _him_ , that Wade was more than just a stuffed toy. He watched with stationary eyes as Peter, holding the mask in one hand, walked over and reached out.

A hand gripped Wade’s back and Peter, in a (pretty good, if Wade was honest) impression of Wade’s voice, said, “And miss Taco Tuesday! The sacrilege Spidey, you know I’d never miss a Taco Tuesday!”

Peter grabbed the toy and pressed Wade to his face. To his shock, Wade could feel liquid soaking into him again. Spidey was crying! “Yeah, you do,” said the vigilante sadly. He put Wade back down, slipped the mask on, and left the small apartment.

After a moment there was a flash of black and green and the trickster god himself stood in front of Wade. “I thought I sensed a spell,” the god said mildly, with a grin.

Well, of course he did! Loki was some kind of magic thingumy.

“The term you’re looking for is wizard,” the god said.

The god could hear him.

“Yes. The—magic that changed you is similar to my own.” The grin morphed into something wistful. “One of my better toys, I think.”

Toy? The genie had been a toy?

“Is that what it’s calling itself? A ‘genie?’ Influenced, no doubt, by mortal culture. Interesting. Well, I came to see if you wanted the spell on you broken.”

Would he? After all, being a stuffed toy, he got unlimited access to Spidey. But—Spidey was also lonely, and Wade couldn't help that if he wasn’t himself. Yeah, he’d like to be back to normal.

“Very well. All it will cost you is the location of the genie.”

Wade wasn’t sure. The lamp might not be in the alley that Wade found it; likely it had been grabbed by one of New York’s two-legged scavengers.

“Good enough.” The god waved as his glowed yellow for a moment—and then Wade toppled off the too tiny counter.

“Man, that feels strange,” he said as the various aches and pains of his body came flooding back. “Aw, it missed me too,” he cooed as a particularly brutal pain stabbed through his skin.

“Thank you for your help,” Loki said. “I’m off to retrieve a missing toy.”

“How’d it go missing, anyhow?” asked Wade as he stretched. Who knew that being trapped as a toy could make limbs fall asleep?

“The allfather, sensing it’s chaotic tendencies, confiscated and hid it.” Loki did not seem upset. “I am simply—reclaiming it, if you will.”

“Good luck and more power to you!” said Wade cheerfully. He had a spider to catch.

He wasn’t about to let Spidey be lonely anymore. He was determined to be the best friend (hopefully more) that he could possibly be. He would listen to anything and everything that Peter had to say, encourage the younger hero to talk _to_ him when they were alone, whatever he needed to do.

But first—it was Taco Tuesday!


End file.
